NateLogo


Pin It

Remember all those really bad horror movies about swarms of enormous things that kill or eat people from the 60s, 70s, and even into the early 80s?  No? Well, let me remind you. They were bad, the only "good" one was The Birds by Hitchcock and even that's laughable. But have you ever stopped to think that perhaps some of these idea aren't that far fetched? Let's take a closer look and see how deadly, terrifying or huge some of these things can get...just 'cus sometimes we don't like to get a solid 8 hours of sleep every night.

1) Giant, Killer Rabbits as seen in the movie "Night of the Lepus": 1972

nightofthelepusNight of the Lupis is about giant killer rabbits the size of a house. As you can imagine, this movie was not dariusscary by any measure. First of all, bunny rabbits are not scary, they’re cute and cuddly. Second, they’re not huge, about the size of your foot maybe a bit bigger, and third, they don’t eat people. Right? Well... no, actually. Rabbits can be aggressive just like any other animal, just ask Jimmy Carter. And just like any mammal, rabbits can get rabies. But, they can’t get huge like in the movie, right. Right, there are no rabbits the size of a house. However, the rabbits on Teletubbies were bred to be a lot larger (size of small sheep) to scale to the enormous size of the tubbies. And then there’s the largest rabbit in the world to date: Darius. Measuring in at 4ft, 3in from nose to tail, Darius is a Continental Giant...and he’s still growing. Like any pet animal, humans will continue breeding for cuteness, size, demeanor, or whatever crazy breeders want. As far as I know, no one breeds rabbits for ferociousness, unlike some breeds of dogs. But it’s only a matter of time until someone crossbreeds the Continental Giant with a more aggressive rabbit, at least in a movie I’ll make someday.

 

Take a look at what the NIght of the Lepus looks like:

 2) Killer Frogs as seen in the movie "Frogs": 1972

frogsThe movie "Frogs" is about swarms of killer frogs. But frogs don’t swarm and kill people like in the movie...right? Well...In China, two days before a major earthquake, swarms of frogs crossed a bridge to safety.

080513 chinaTgoliath-frog inset

Did they bother to tell the humans about the impending doom? No. Seems to be something malicious about this.  And in Greece, "millions", or, rather, more like thousands of frogs shut down a highway for hours, apparently a dick move on the frogs part to make Greece even more miserable than it already was.  And in Golden Gate Park, California, carnivorous frogs called "African clawed" frogs, are eating pretty much everything including all the other frogs, turtles and fish...and because nothing is left, they started eating each other. These swarms of frogs are not just a nuisance, but causing major issues in the local ecosystem. But what about size? Are there any enormous frogs that will eat us all? Yes, it’s appropriately called "Goliath,” and can reach sizes up to 12 inches. None of these can kill humans, unlike the Golden poison dart frog that has enough venom to kill ten grown men. And just to make sure you don’t sleep tonight, a newly discovered species that is hopefully extinct called  "Devil Frog" that probably ate baby dinosaurs, and your dreams, was 16 inches long and weighed about 10 pounds.

 

 

3) Addictive, killing snack food as seen in the movie "The Stuff" - 1985


thestuffThe movie "The Stuff" is about a self aware substance that promotes itself as a new snack food to spread itself and feed on people. I'm beginning to think that perhaps sugar IS that substance. We all know that sugar is killing us and is in freekin' EVERYTHING. But did you know that it's as addictive as cocaine AND makes you stupid? I don't have any proof that it's self aware, at least not yet...'cus...chocolate...mm....

Here's look at what the movie looks like, it's #2

 

4) Birds as seen in "The Birds": 1963

thebirdsJets hit birds all the damn time, causing $300 million in damage every year. Sometimes...they even take them down, in some horrible cases, bird mid air collisions can lead to deaths.. But that’s just the beginning. You’ve probably seen birds protecting their territory and nests before. But the Police Department of Everett, Seattle, discovered that crows can can be downright mean. Lt. Bob Johns says he “got zinged” a few times and even compared them to velociraptors. And to make matters worse, crows are very intelligent and can recognize individual features...so, if you piss them off, they'll get revenge. But the most disturbing thing about birds is that apparently parrots who have learned to talk while living with humans and escape have begun teaching other wild birds to talk as well. Holy freekin’ crap.

Movie Bob on Escapest Magazine likes The Birds and puts it into his favorite end of the world movie list. Check it out.

 
 

5) Carnivorous Worms as seen in "Squirm": 1976

The horrible movie Squirm is unashamadly about ferocious, horrifsquirmying...worms, that come right out of your shower and eat you. Yeah, that's gross. But we don't have anything that horrifying right? First, let's talk about swarms of horribbly gross worms.

Yep, those are worms. Bristleworms to be exact. Not sure what they're doing there, but it's discusting. And let's not forget Army Worms that those of us who live in the Minnesota Northland are graced with every few years. Hey, did you hear about that guy who makes wine out of them? No? Well, here's the recipe, you're welcome.

And I don't even want to tell you about Carniviours Flatworms. So, let me tell you about them. I couldn't write it anybetter than The Independent.co, so here's a direct quote:

"..slimy-bodied carnivore, comes out at night, takes shelter where it is dark and wet while it lies in wait for its next meal. When it detects a potential victim nearby, it sidles up to it and gently slides on to its body, enveloping it like a long, thin cape. It extends a rudimentary mouth and secretes a lethal cocktail of poison and powerful enzymes that dissolve the flesh of the prey. It sucks up the resulting soup.

To reproduce it forms an egg capsule inside its body. The capsule grows big – as much as a fifth of the entire body size. Then, rather than emerging from a purpose-made orifice, this capsule simply bursts out of the body – a kind of auto-Caesarean. The wound soon heals and the egg capsule releases six or seven squirming young. When food is scarce, rather than starve to death our alien decides that the parts of its body that are not strictly necessary for daily survival – its reproductive apparatus, for example – are redundant. These are re-absorbed into the body, which shrinks to a size that just about sustains itself, with a minimum of biological sophistication. It "de-grows". When food reappears, it re-grows and resumes its daily routine."

Pretty sure I'm doing that thing where my own "reproduct apparatus" retreats inside my body in order to protect itself from these things.

 

6) Giant Leaches as seen in “Attack of the Giant Leeches”: 1959

attackofthegiantleachesThe mamazonianleechovie “Attack of the Giant Leeches”, is about, you guessed it, giant leeches attacking. But we already knew leeches were blood suckers...literally. And the creepy part is, you don’t notice when they bite you because of HOW they bite you. So, you’d be walking through some swamp with your buddies and then later find out that your family jewels are sucked dry, and not in the good way, like in that scene from Stand by Me.  But most of them are puny little things that can be dealt with simply by yanking them off or using salt, right? Wrong. The giant Amazonian leech is not only freeking huge (as big as 18 inches long, the length of that guy's hairy forearm), but it apparently doesn't die even when it's been outside of water for a half a day. Although it lives only inte the Amazon, I simply am apposed to it existing anyone where on earth.

 

7) Slime Molds as seen in "The Blob": 1958

theblobThe movie is about a gelatinous mass of goo that feeds on things including people and grows as it absorbs the things it eats. It has no feet or brain, is not a plant or animal, has no body or sensory organs and yet it moves towards its food with terrifying determination. And it's not fiction, it's real, it's called slime molds and it's going to kill us all.


Slime molds aren’t a fungus, animal or plant. It’s a brainless collection of single-celled organisms that can get as long as 13 feet and can travel vast distances, even in some cases, across continents (specimens found in United States are genetically identical to one's in New Zealand).

And just like that alien monster from your nightmare, when a slime mold is ripped in half, each peace continues to grow separately.

In the terrifying video to the right you can see the slime mold solve a maze in order to find food. And in another video below you can see the whole throbbing mass discovering the food and then flow through the maze in a terrifying wave and finally solidifying the main vein between the two food sources.

.
In laboratory experiments, scientists are beginning to understand just how amazing (ly terrifying) slime molds are. In one experiment, they discovered that not only do they have some form of memory, but can also predict repeated events. And in another experiment to see how quickly they setup intricate networks and how fast they could do it, it turns out, they do it better than we do. In the picture, scientists placed slime molds on a globe and small stashes of food where major cities would be. The slime mold quickly found them and built “roads” to feed the rest of the organism and in some cases, built them right where us humans did, like the Silk Road. Basically, they are teaching this very real and terrifying entity (because remember, it’s not an animal or a fungus) the most efficient way to take over the world. Good job guys.

blog comments powered by Disqus

 Advertisement

Get a Website

therollerskate